Personal experience

Read the following extract from a narrative which deals with an argument with parents – everyone has some personal experience of this but can it make an effective narrative?

Choose seven of the sentences from the list below that you feel would improve the narrative by making it more interesting for the reader. Drag them into the spaces in the text to make an improved version.

There were always arguments in my house between me and my parents because things got so bad in our family. I got home late at night on purpose after my parents told me I had to be in by nine. This was too early for me and so I stayed out as late as possible because I was always being blamed for everything. We had an argument as soon as I came in because they were waiting for me in the hall - ready to go. I had turned off my mobile so that made it even worse. "Get to your room!" was shouted at me. So I started to climb the stairs to get to my room so that I could have a break from their voices, which were really starting to get on my nerves. They were why I stayed out so late because they were always nagging me to get more work done and to sort out my room. But I could not relax at all because my mum was soon at the door shouting, "Why do you do this to us? Why don't you just have a thought for other people instead of yourself? You are just selfish and don't care about others. How do you think we feel? Didn't you think we were worried?" She never stopped. I suppose most people would say that I should have changed and not argued so much with them.


Draggable sentences

Suggestion

Life can be extremely boring at home when you are struggling with teenage emotions. There were always arguments in my house between me and my parents because things got so bad in our family. What they did not realise, of course, was that I really enjoyed the conflict - it amused me to see their distress. I got home late one night on purpose after my parents told me I had to be in by nine. This was too early for me and so I stayed out as late as possible because I was always being blamed for everything. The problem with most parents is that they hate what you have become but blame you instead of themselves. We had an argument as soon as I came in because they were waiting for me in the hall – ready to go. I had turned off my mobile so that made it even worse. Lack of immediate access always winded them up even more and added to the fun. “Get to your room!” was shouted at me. So, I started to climb the stairs to get to my room to have a bit of a break from their voices, which were really starting to get on my nerves. There was a moment when I felt a twinge of pity for them – but then I remembered my role was to play ‘the ungrateful son’ and it disappeared from my conscience. They were why I stayed out so late because they were always nagging me to get more work done and to sort out my room. But I could not relax at all because my mum was soon at the door shouting. “Why do you do this to us? Why don’t you just have a thought for other people instead of yourself? You are just selfish and don’t care about others. How do you think we feel? Didn’t you think we were worried?” She never stopped. It was about this point in the drama played out every night that my gran was mentioned, “What would your gran think if she could see you now?” – and there it was – so predictable! I suppose most people would say that I should have changed and not argued so much with them. The problem is that I have a wicked streak and they were just puppets in the game I played inside my head.

What have you learned?

Explain why the improved version is better than the first in less than 40 words.

Click to see whether you have understood the key points about using personal experience in narratives.

Key points

  • Don’t write just about you.
  • Consider creating a different persona
  • Don’t just list things that happened
  • Add other imaginative details
  • Include thoughts and feelings

Choose any one of the common uses of personal experience in narratives from the list at the start of this unit that has happened to you.

  • Write a narrative extract using the key points learned from the exercise
  • Work with a partner and assess each other’s writing to judge how well the key points have been addressed.