Describing a dramatic event

What are the 5 main points/details that the reader understands from this paragraph? Choose a different colour for each of the 5 points and highlight them.

The ominous clouds had been gathering for hours. Full of storm rain, it was only a matter of time before they delivered their promise. It was becoming too dark for comfort, almost early evening at midday. The traffic slowed noticeably as the drivers did not have the nerve to drive any faster. A low noise at first - only just perceptible in the distance - gradually increased in volume until the sound of screeching metal was unmistakeable. Further up the motorway, too far from the vantage of the bridge, the first collision had occurred. One by one, car had collided with car until the concertina of vehicles disappeared into the other direction like rapidly falling dominoes too fast for the eye to see.

The ominous clouds had been gathering for hours. Full of storm rain, it was only a matter of time before they delivered their promise. It was becoming too dark for comfort, almost early evening at midday. The traffic slowed noticeably as the drivers did not have the nerve to drive any faster. A low noise at first - only just perceptible in the distance - gradually increased in volume until the sound of screeching metal was unmistakeable. Further up the motorway, too far from the vantage of the bridge, the first collision had occurred. One by one, car had collided with car until the concertina of vehicles disappeared into the other direction like rapidly falling dominoes too fast for the eye to see.

  1. It is about to rain.
  2. The light is fading.
  3. The cars have slowed.
  4. A collision occurs out of sight but can be heard.
  5. The effect ripples through the rest of the cars.

Key Effects

  • The writer is not emotionally involved in the scene.
  • Each aspect of the description contributes to the effect of the paragraph.
  • The reader feels as if they are the observer of the scene.
  • The reader is engaged in the narrative.

Practise describing an event in a similar way to the example. Keep the ‘Key Effects’ in mind and aim for the same result with your description.

Suggested Ideas

  • A fire starting in a shop.
  • A burst water-pipe in the main street of a town.
  • Someone stealing a wallet in a busy street and running away.