WJEC EDUQAS

Effective writing

Economical writing

Click on the i to read the information before you begin.

Look at the following examples of candidates’ writing. In each case, the second version has been edited to demonstrate how economy can be achieved. Example 1 (Hamlet, William Shakespeare) Consider the differences between the following two comments on Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

In what ways is the second example of writing more effective than the first?

  1. “There are many different ideas about the character of Hamlet with some audiences supporting him and others feeling quite differently. While some are not sympathetic and see him as a frustrated young man with a grudge against his family and society, others are more sympathetic and see him as a noble individual who behaves as he does for the right reasons and support his distaste for family and his violent treatment of friends who let him down.” (77 words)
  2. “Audience responses to the character of Hamlet vary from hostility towards Shakespeare’s presentation of a familiar renaissance malcontent, to sympathy for a betrayed and alienated individual who has just cause for his revenge upon a corrupt family and false friends.” (41 words)

  • The second example draws upon technical terminology (AO1), “renaissance malcontent” which economically addresses AO3 while considering different readings (AO5).
  • Other vocabulary is chosen with care (AO1) e.g. “friends who let him down” in the first example changes to “false friends” in the second, achieving a more academic register. Meaning is sharpened and impact increased by selecting vocabulary (“betrayed”, “alienated”) which will do the same work as phrases or sentences.
  • In the second example there is a glance at AO2 in “Shakespeare’s presentation” which acknowledges the writer’s craft and shows that Hamlet is a construct.
  • While the writer of the second piece will need to go on to close analysis of supporting text, there is no hint of description or narrative which weakens literary essays.
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Example 2 (Jane Eyre, Charlotte Bronte) How many points of difference can you find in the following paragraphs?

  1. Jane Eyre has no experience of friendship. By the time she arrives at Lowood School, Jane Eyre has had no experience of friendship because she has been treated cruelly by other children such as John Reed and been made to feel inferior to her aunt Reed’s family. It is no surprise that she quickly becomes friends with Helen Burns who shows her affection and helps her to feel that she is not the only person in the world who must struggle. (82)
  2. Bronte presents Jane’s life at Lowood as a period of recovery from the abuse and rejection she suffers at the hands of the Reed family. Friendship with Helen Burns allows Jane to experience affection and to gain perspective upon her own unhappiness. (42)

It is becoming clear that one of the key features of uneconomical writing is a tendency to narrate and describe and to perhaps also repeat material. As you search for more economical and carefully judged expression, there is a natural tendency to become more analytical in your writing as you draw upon the language and style of academic discourse. What are the strengths of example (iv)?

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Try to reduce the length of the following comments on texts and improve their critical focus. There are word counts for original versions and word targets for your re-writes : Focus upon choosing vocabulary that will work as well or better than the original phrases or sentences and help to make the remarks critical/analytical rather than narrative or descriptive. When you have finished click on the eye to show an example of economical expression; compare this with your own and discuss the similarities and differences. Remember that the example you can reveal is not the only way or necessarily the best – your own could be even more effective!

Original Version Economical Re-Write Reveal Example
(The Tempest) When Prospero tells Ariel that she must continue to work for him even when she wishes to be set free, we see a good example of the ways Prospero tends to misuse his authority and this does not always please an audience. (42)
(20)
Prospero’s unattractive and tyrannical nature is often presented in the severity of his language and unsympathetic treatment of Ariel. (20)
(John Donne – Selected Poems) Donne wrote many different types of entertaining poems covering a variety of situations which audiences would have enjoyed in different ways. At one extreme of his work there are the poems about lust and romance and at the other he writes about religious issues which are relevant to readers both then and now. (53)
  
(26)
The universal appeal of Donne’s poetry lies in its variety. His witty treatment of love, both sacred and profane, is at once humorous, moving and timeless. (26)
Larkin and Duffy (The Whitsun Weddings and Meantime) Both Philip Larkin and Carol Ann Duffy write a great deal about the failures in human relationships and describe how both romantic relationships and family life always disappoint rather than providing the happiness and comfort which people expect and believe to be true. (43)
  
(19)
Both poets present characters and circumstances which undermine the reader’s optimism and faith in the possibilities of human relationships. (19)
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Now try this with your own work. Copy and paste an example of a paragraph you’ve written in a recent essay. Choose one that you think may be too wordy or over-long.

Now try re-writing your paragraph in order to create a more concise version.
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